一个被霸凌孩子的回忆录

导读

这篇文章是一位作者回忆被霸凌经历的随笔，评论者们由此分享各自的故事与反思。它值得写作者阅读，因为它展示了如何用真实细节、情感克制和不同立场来构建有力量的个人叙事。

关键词　霸凌个人叙事创伤写作成长经历

可以直接用的写作要点

01
用具体细节（如“被仙人掌果砸”“被当众脱裤子”）替代抽象抱怨，能让痛苦变得可感可信。
02
个人经历容易引发共鸣，但要避免单纯宣泄，像评论区那样把创伤转化为观察或行动，才有层次。
03
讨论有争议的观点时，先亮明立场，再用自身经历或反例支撑，比如用“妹妹打人”来质疑“各打五十大板”的逻辑。
04
同一主题下，不同声音（感激、愤怒、无助）交织呈现，才是对复杂现实的最好写照。

HN 评论精选

被霸凌的愤怒可转化为自强动力，但未必能带来宽恕。

这篇文章对我意义重大。看到不是只有我这样真好。高中时我很幸运，摔跤教练看到我内心的愤怒，说服我加入队伍。第一年减了30磅，学会了自卫。因为我只是个怪人，仍然是靶子，但至少能保护自己和同样被盯上的朋友。这份愤怒至今还像一块巨石压在我肩上，我觉得正是它驱使我拼尽全力。它造就了今天的我，但我仍然无法原谅那些让我生活陷入地狱的孩子和老师，五年级的事也是。当我看到自己四岁前的照片，我会为那个孩子几年后的人生感到悲伤。所以我拼命努力——告诉那个四岁的自己，这一切值得。

aspir查看英文原文

This article means a great deal to me. It's good to see I wasn't alone. I was lucky in high school, because our school wrestling coach saw the rage I carried and convinced me to come out for the team. I lost 30 lbs the first year and got the skills to defend myself. Because I was just a weird guy, I still was a target, but I could protect myself and my friends who were also targets. I still carry it like a massive chip on my shoulder. I feel that it's the reason I've driven forward into endeavors with intensity. It's made me who I am today; but I still can't forgive the kids (and teachers) who made my life a hell, also in 5th grade. When I see a picture of myself as a little kid (>4 years) I get really sad for the life that kid will have a few years after taking it. That's why I bust my tail - to tell my little 4 year old self that it's worth it.

被霸凌者后来学会社交，但家庭支持是走出阴影的关键。

我记得这些处境。和周围人不同并不好玩。我只是不在乎其他孩子看重的东西，我想动手搭建、读书、学科学、做实验。不知为何，我一点不在乎体育这件事，让我在同伴眼中简直像外星人。我妈妈是女同性恋，而我并不觉得这有什么问题，这也没让我更好过。学校远足时，有人朝我扔仙人掌果；课间我被当众扒过裤子；还有人拿小刀威胁我。更多时候，人们只是对我说刻薄的话。初中更糟，正如作者所说，那个年龄会出现某种特别的残忍。我运气不错：老师注意到我，说服妈妈让我参加特殊班测试，我在那些更像我的朋友中找到了归属。在家里，拥有电脑和学习用它做事，给了我非凡的自我价值——这价值本该在学校被榨干。后来我学会了与人相处，高中时甚至和运动健儿们处得不错，虽然我从不刻意加入任何群体。回头看，作者说得对：我过得很糟，但霸凌我的人过得更糟。至少我的父母爱我、把我放在第一位。我无法想象那些孩子中许多人过着怎样的家庭生活。

danilocampos查看英文原文

I remember being in these spots. Growing up different isn't fun. For me, I just didn't care that much about the things other kids valued. I wanted to build things, read, learn about science and do experiments. For whatever reason, the fact that I didn't care about sports at all made me as good as an alien to my peers. The fact that my mom is a lesbian, and that I didn't know any reason why anyone should have a problem with that, didn't help things, either. So, there were school hiking trips where I had prickly pear cactus fruit pelted at me. I was pantsed at recess a couple of times. Once a little knife was held on me. More often than not, people just said unkind things to me. Getting into middle school was worse, just as the author said. There's some special vein of cruelty that emerges at that age. I happened to get lucky. Teachers noticed me, convinced my mom to let me be tested for special classes, and I found friendship in people who were more like me. At home, having a computer and learning about all I could do with it gave me extraordinary self worth that would have been wrung out of me at school. Eventually I learned to relate to people. By high school, I even got along with the jocks and other popular types, though by choice I never fell into any specific group. Looking back, the author is right. I had it bad but my bullies had it worse. My parents, at least, loved and prioritized me. I can't imagine the miserable home lives these many of these kids must have had. (edit: Although, giving it some thought, I don't know how much my kindness would have earned me from these kids.) All I know is this: my life was saved – saved – by technology. I'm not sure I'd have made it into adulthood without all the growth I gained thanks to my good ol' Performa 6100.

反对“霸凌者需要爱”的温情叙事，主张明确责任和有效惩罚。

我强烈反对“霸凌者只是需要爱，他们这么做是因为自己也在受伤”的说法。人是多样的，我不否认有时确实如此。但更准确的说法是：霸凌者这么做是因为好玩，而且最重要的是，他们能。简而言之，霸凌者需要面对有震慑力的惩罚，而被霸凌者需要能真正运作的正义系统。想想看，我们成年人的司法系统区分攻击和自卫，但奇怪的是，处理孩子之间的冲突时，我们却好像人人都有错，而且只要冲突停止就天下太平。这不公正，根源是大人把秩序和方便看得比正义更重。我小时候，妹妹（小我三岁）打我，我向妈妈抱怨，她第一句话就是：“你做了什么让她那样？”我当然回答“什么都没做”，但显然不是真的。谁会跟比自己大一倍的人打架？讨论之后发现，是我拿了她的玩具还逗她。结果呢？妹妹没事，我挨了骂。那些老规矩呢？“如果你说不出好话，就别说话。”如果我逮到你侮辱或贬低别人……

Dove查看英文原文

I disagree strongly with the sentiment that bullies just need love, that they're only doing it because they are hurting too. People are diverse, so I won't deny that perhaps that's sometimes true. But I think it would be more accurate to say that bullies do it because it's fun and above all because they can. In short, bullies need to face punishments with teeth. And the bullied need to have access to a justice system they can trust to actually work. Something like this: http://www.sudval.org/05_onepersononevote.html (scroll down about halfway to "When you were young", A True Story). Look, our justice system as adults distinguishes between aggression and self defense. But for some reason, we treat conflict between kids as if it's everybody's fault, and everything's okay once it stops. That's unjust, and is the root cause: adults that treat order and convenience as more important than justice. When I was a kid, I remember complaining that my (three years younger) sister hit me. The first thing my mom asked? "What did you do to make her do that?" Well, of course I answered, "Nothing," but it plainly wasn't true. Who picks a fight with someone twice their size? And over the course of the discussion it came out that I had taken her toy and teased her, and you know what? My sister got a free pass. I got in trouble. How about that old fashioned rule, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all?" How about, if I catch you insulting or belittling someone, you have to be their servant for half an hour -- get their water, sharpen their pencils, that sort of thing? How about a justice system that treats allegations of teasing and insulting as serious matters, and investigates to get to the bottom of things? How about a system that is concerned about kids' antisocial behavior, not because it is currently bothering the adults, but because of the effects it has on both victim and aggressor? How about a system that punished physical violence harshly if it was aggressive, and leniently or not at all if it's defensive? How about a system that says, "If you hit back with the aim of making the other kid stop, and you stop as soon as he does, we'll hold you blameless?" You know, the same deal adults get. (By popular judgement, anyway, if not always in court.) How about a system that responded to kids' experiments in evil with love and affection and attention, encouraging them to delve deeper and teaching them that behaving cruelly toward others is a great way to get all the stuff they want? Never mind on that last one.

父母的无作为会让孩子失去信任，并导致伤害向更弱者转移。

我猜这里被霸凌者的比例比别的社区高，所以也讲讲我的经历：我是那个脑袋大、戴眼镜的小孩，等于“霸凌磁铁”。幼儿园被比我小的孩子打，小学、初中、高中都被打。大学霸凌自然停了，因为霸凌者过不了入学考试。可笑的是，我被打时向家人求助。我告诉父亲：“学校的孩子围住我，一个抓住我的胳膊，另一个打我。”他回答：“你不该回应他们，他们很快会消失。”但被揍的时候“不回应”可不是什么有效的防御技巧。我父亲没教我自卫，没联系学校管理层，什么都没做。这种事不止一次发生，一个小孩子对自己的父亲失去信任是很压抑的，那时我九岁。我不知道怎么阻止霸凌，于是自然把愤怒发泄到可怜的小妹妹身上。我常把她弄哭，还虐待动物。任何比我弱的东西都会承受我的怒火。而这一切发生的时候，父亲还以为我是个缺乏教养的坏孩子。每个父母都应该明白，他们无法保护孩子免受所有伤害，但他们可以让孩子有所准备、教导他们、教育他们……

znt查看英文原文

I guess this place has higher percentage of the bullied than other communities, so let me share my bits: I was the little kid with a big head and glasses which was the equivalent of "bully magnet". I got beaten up during kindergarten (by kids smaller than me), got beaten up in elementary school, secondary school, high school. Bullying kind of stopped in university because bullies couldn't pass the entrance tests heh. And the funny thing is, I asked my family for help while I was getting bullied. I told my father that "These kids at school ganged up on me and while one was holding my arms the other one punched me". His response was "You shouldn't respond to them, they'll be gone soon". Unfortunately, "not responding" while you're getting punched is not a very efficient defense technique. So my dad didn't teach me how to defend myself, he didn't contact school managers, he didn't do anything. And unfortunately this happened more than once. It is very depressing for a small kid to lose his trust in his father. And that happened to me when I was 9. I knew no way to stop the bullying so naturally I focused my frustration on my poor little sister. I made her cry a lot. I tortured animals. Anything weaker than me received my wrath. And all this time my father was thinking I was a bad naughty boy who should have learned some manners. Every parent should know that they won't be able to protect their kids from every harm. But they can prepare them, teach them, educate them about the potential dangers they may ever face and support them if such situation arises. I never had that kind of support, but my kids will have that. Oh and they'll learn how to land a flying headbutt onto a bully's nose if they get close enough.

工程师们二十年里聊过的写作。

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一个被霸凌孩子的回忆录

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可以直接用的写作要点

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