讲故事与叙事2022joylere.substack.com
你会如何对待别人托付给你的故事？
What will you do with the stories entrusted to you?
导读
这篇随笔讨论别人托付给你的故事：当有人向你讲述自己的经历时，你该如何承接、保管和转述。它值得写作者读，因为它把「倾听」和「叙事伦理」放回写作的源头——你写下的每个人，都是别人真实的人生。
可以直接用的写作要点
- 01
动笔写别人的故事前，先问自己：这个故事是我被托付的，还是我擅自取用的？
- 02
把「对方可能教我点什么」当作每次对话的默认姿态，素材和细节往往就藏在这种谦逊里。
- 03
承认有些经验无法被外人真正理解，写作时不要假装替别人代言全部，留出沉默的位置。
- 04
当对方开口时，先只是听，别急着接话、类比或讲自己的经历——抢话会切断连接。
HN 评论精选
「sonder」一词提醒写作者：每个配角都有自己的完整人生，你笔下的路人也有史诗。
Sonder（名词）：你意识到每个随机路人都过着和你一样鲜活复杂的生活——有自己的野心、朋友、日常、忧虑和继承来的怪癖；那是一部在你周围无声延续的史诗，像一座向地下深处蔓延的蚁丘，错综的通道通往成千上万你永远不会知道存在的生命，而在那些生命里，你可能只出现一次：作为背景里喝咖啡的群众演员，作为高速公路上掠过的一团车影，作为黄昏时一扇亮着的窗。这个词由「晦涩悲伤词典」网站推广开来，它的反面大概就是唯我论——认为只有自己存在的哲学。有意思的是，这篇文章完全没提到「sonder」，我以为它如今已是网络迷因了。
cercatrova查看英文原文
Sonder: n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. This word was popularized by the site Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, and I believe it, as the opposite, hearkens back to solipsism, the philosophical idea of you being the only one to exist. It is interesting to see this word "sonder" not referenced at all in the article, I would have imagined it a meme within the Internet at this point. [0] https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/23536922667/sonder
把每次对话当成学习机会，是获取素材与理解他人的基本功。
我人生中最重要的转变，是开始带着「不管对方是谁，他都能教我点什么」的态度去对话。有时需要挖一挖，但我发现这总是成立。
gouda-gouda查看英文原文
The most important shift I’ve made in my life was when I started approaching conversations with the attitude that the other person could teach me something, no matter who it is. Sometimes it takes some digging, but I’ve found it to be true.
有些经验无法被外人真正理解，写作不该假装替人代言全部痛苦。
我喜欢这个主旨，但对文中关于「叙事到此为止」的部分不太同意。我发现有些事，除非亲身经历过，否则没人能真正理解。两个方向我都遇到过，有些东西似乎只能靠自己去经历才能懂。向别人袒露心声很累，他们常常不知所措，或者试图表现得同情、共情，但最后往往做不到。我常想到《魔戒》里的佛罗多，他独自承担的重负以及它如何改变了他。我想很多人身上都带着自己的一枚魔戒。你得从鸟瞰视角看，看所有生命如何并行又彼此相连。据说你要么认识某个正经历艰难的人，要么那个人认识某个过得艰难的人。想到这一点，让我对别人更友善、更有耐心。但我觉得指望别人理解你是愚蠢的，我太多次把信任错付给别人，被伤过。通常真正懂你的人，是因为他们自己走过同样的路。当然这只是我的经验，但随着年纪渐长，我发现它一次次被验证。
leach查看英文原文
Hmmm I like the message but I partly disagree with some of what they are saying in regards to narrative tap out. I’ve found some things no one can truly understand some things that people go through unless they went through it themselves. I’ve encountered it both ways, and theres just some things that people seem to only be able to understand on their own through experiences. Opening up to other people is exhausting, they frequently either don’t know what to do or they try and act sympathetic or empathetic but eventually usually aren’t. I think often about Frodo in lord of the rings. The burden he had to carry alone and how it changed him. I think many people have that one ring they carry around. You have to look at it from a Birds Eye view, the way our lives all run and are interconnected. It’s said that either someone you know directly is going through something rough or that person knows someone who’s got it rough. Thinking of that helps me be nicer and more patient with people. But i think it’s foolish to expect them to be. I’ve been burned many times putting faith in people I shouldn’t. The only people who usually truly get you understand you because they went through it themselves. Of course this is just my experience, but I’ve found it keeps on ringing true as i get older and older.
倾听而不抢话，是承接他人故事的基本功；共享的经历自带安慰力量。
当有人鼓起勇气站出来开口时，听着。只是「在」就好，这是你能做的最有力量的事之一。劫持对话不会建立连接，只会破坏它。我可能是少数派，但听到别人分享一段轶事、让我知道他懂我正经历什么（因为他自己也经历过类似的事）时，我感到巨大的宽慰。（可能说得太多了，但我一个女儿有相当严重的发育障碍，她威胁要杀我、我妻子和我们另一个女儿的次数多到记不清。听到别人的故事、知道自己并不孤单，有一种奇特的安慰。）
abstractbill查看英文原文
When someone dares to step forward and speak up, listen. Just be. It's one of the most powerful things you can do. Hijacking conversation doesn't create connection, it breaks it. I might be in a minority here but I feel a huge sense of relief when someone shares an anecdote that tells me they understand what I'm going through, because they've been through similar things themself. (I'm probably oversharing, but one of my daughters has some rather severe developmental difficulties and has threatened to kill me, my wife, and our other daughter more times than I can remember. It is oddly comforting to hear other peoples' stories and know I'm not alone).
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