文案与商业写作2012i.mhj.tc编辑精选
创业者们，请把邮件写得更好一点
Startups, please write better emails
导读
这篇文章针对创业公司群发的邮件，指出它们在介绍自己时常常含糊其辞、堆砌术语，读者看完仍不知道你是做什么的。对写作者的价值在于：它给出了一个极简的自我说明句式，也暴露了“自封第一”“术语炫技”这类常见毛病，任何需要写介绍、开场白、产品文案的人都能直接借鉴。
可以直接用的写作要点
- 01
用“[名字] 是 [它是什么]”的句式开门见山，先让对方一句话知道你是谁、做什么，再展开细节。
- 02
别把产品介绍成“某某领域最好的”，那是市场该下的判断；你一开口就自封第一，只会显得自以为是。
- 03
警惕用抽象大词堆出来的定义句，读完后读者对它的了解反而更少——写完后自问：外行看完能复述出这是什么吗？
- 04
写邮件前先想着怎么和具体的人建立联系，而不是先担心自己像垃圾邮件，恐惧会渗进文字里。
HN 评论精选
坏邮件源于恐惧和不擅长建立联系，而非不在意；换位思考能改善写作。
人们写不好邮件，不是因为不在乎——他们其实很在乎，只是创业公司的邮件往往混合着两种东西：怕被当成垃圾邮件的恐惧，以及不知道如何与人建立联系的茫然。我开邮件创业公司之前大概也会写出同样的邮件；一旦你开始专注某件事，就会注意到那些细节。
sudonim查看英文原文
People don't write bad emails because they don't care. They really do care, but the emails that come from startups are often written with a mixture of fear of being perceived as spam, and a lack of understanding of how to connect with people. Before I started an email startup, I would probably have written the same types of emails. It's amazing that once you start to focus on something, you notice the little things. I taught a class a few weekends ago on how to write better emails (slides: https://speakerdeck.com/sudonim/write-emails-people-will-read ). I'm happy to help anyone (for free) who wants to do things better than they are now. Contact info is in my profile.
“X 是（描述 X）”这个句式同样适用于项目介绍，先定义再展开。
希望程序员在创建 GitHub 仓库和项目主页时也照这个建议做，因为他们有同样的问题：经常听说某个库或项目，点进主页却怎么也搞不懂它到底是什么。文章里的万能句式是“[东西] 是 [描述这个东西]”——先告诉我名字和它是什么，这一段写完，你再尽情发挥。
petercooper查看英文原文
I wish programmers would also follow this advice when creating their GitHub repositories and project sites because they can suffer the very same problem. It's pretty often I hear about a library or project, hit its homepage, and I can't figure out what the heck it even is without digging around. The magic phrase, as used in this article, is "[thing] is [describe thing]". Tell me the name of your thing and what it is. Once you've got that paragraph out of the way, you can go to town!
自封“最好”是恶俗套话且冒昧，判断应留给市场。
稍微跑题：作者推荐的“(名字) 是 (产品品类) 中最好的”这种开场，几年前刚听到时就有点烦人，现在已是彻头彻尾的恶俗套话。每当听到创业者说自己的产品“最好”，我都会自动补上“据他自己说”——那你还不如直接说“这是我最喜欢的”。请别用“(我公司) 是最好的(我们做的事)”来介绍公司，那是市场说了算的，你抢先宣称，往好了说也是冒昧。
venus查看英文原文
Slightly off topic: the introduction the author recommends using, "(name) is the best (product category)", was slightly annoying a couple years ago when I first heard it and is now just a full-blown obnoxious cliché. Whenever I hear a startup type guy talking about how their product is "the best" blah, I automatically append "according to me". You may as well just say "my favourite". Startups, please don't introduce your company as "(My company) is the best (what we do)" - that's for the market to decide, actually, and for you to just claim it up front is presumptuous, at best.
术语堆砌的定义句会制造“负知识”，解释不清就是没想清楚。
他觉得“Learnist 是用于策展和跟踪完整学习体验的移动产品”这种句子值得写进邮件？天啊！看完这句我比之前更不知道它是什么了，而我本来就没听过它——这是“负知识”。说真的，如果你有生意，却没法在不让人脑子流血的前提下解释它是做什么的，也许你该去谷歌上班。
etfb查看英文原文
He reckons a sentence like "Learnist is the mobile product for curating and following complete learning experience" is worth adding to an email? Good grief! I actually have less idea of what it is than I did before I read that, and I've never even heard of it. If you're keeping track, that's negative knowledge. No, I didn't know that was possible either. You live and learn. Seriously, though: if you have a business, and you can't explain what it's about without making people's brains bleed, perhaps you should go work for Google instead.
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